I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
