Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
