When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
