I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
