Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
