So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
