This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
