i don't like sucking hair
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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