I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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