You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
