apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
