I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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