I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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