im drinking this country out of the recession.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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