Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
