Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
