I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
