I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
