Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
