He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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