I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
