I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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