I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
