That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
