Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
