I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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