Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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