There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
