So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
