But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
