If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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