i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
