My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
