I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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