Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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