uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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