throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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