The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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