so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
