I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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