I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
