i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
