There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize