Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
