why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
