he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
