I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
