Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
