oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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