my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
