I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
