Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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