on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
