They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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