Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
