Who wears a wallet chain?!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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